Nick’s birth story began long before labor started. You see, when Kailey was a few months old we were pregnant again. I was exclusively breastfeeding, but I guess
I am one of those fertile ‘lucky’ ones.
Although it was a difficult time, because Kailey was colicky, and the
idea of adding another baby to the mix was a little overwhelming we were
excited. We had met with a midwife that
I loved dearly, and established that our due month was September 2011. Three months later on a Sunday morning I lost
the pregnancy. Without a warning. It was hard.
Less than a month later we were pregnant again. We
did not know how far along we were, and my midwife suggested that we go ‘date’
the pregnancy. Her son and his wife in
Florida were due later that year and she was going to assist them in their
homebirth. She wanted to make sure she
would be in town before she agreed to take us on.
There was only one doctor I wanted to see. Dr. Guerrieri. Midwife Pam said he was sympathetic to
homebirth. I was in no mood to be lectured
as to ‘the risks of homebirth.’ I waited
three months to get into his office.
Thorsten, Kailey and my mother accompanied
me. I felt ridiculous in that stupid
paper smock, and when I put it on it ripped in two. I was on that crinkly table with the stirrups
(which I refused to use) in only socks
and two pieces of a paper hospital gown.
T laughed his ass off. When
Dr. Guerrieri came in I was so nervous.
I dislike doctors.
He said to me “So Pam
is your midwife?” With a smile and a
handshake. I was relieved. He said I was an old pro after K’s birth, and
if everything looked good and there were no complications he didn’t see why we
couldn’t have this baby at home. As he
put the wand on my belly his eyes got a little wider. As the screen came into focus I saw what was
a little spine. He told us we were 16+
weeks along. He bumped the wand and I
saw a wiggle. He asked if we wanted to
know what we were having-but I already knew.
It was a boy. Nickolas. Thorsten would have a son.
The pregnancy was hard to recall. Funny how our minds do that-block out all the
discomforts. There was extreme nausea,
and terrible pelvic pain. My bones were separating-trying
to carry the front end weight. Nick was
breech for a long time, and I tried a variety of ways to get him to turn;
flashlights, lying upside down, visualization.
He finally turned right before Thanksgiving. As the months dragged on I was running out of
steam. My fundal height was measuring at
a December due date, but at my monthly and then weekly appointments Pam was
becoming concerned at the size of this baby.
As I would waddle around public, eyes would follow me and I
would hear audible gasps. Some brave
souls would ask me if I was carrying twins, or if I was due any day-perhaps
afraid to stand in the splash zone. I
was miserable and so was everyone else.
T was a nervous wreck every day at work, wondering if he would be able
to make it home in time…if and when I ever went into labor.
Towards the middle of December I asked Pam if it would be
okay to try some holistic induction methods.
She said we could try some things, and that she was confident that he
was ready-at over 9 lbs. She advised
that these methods would only bring on labor if labor was ready to start. There was no guarantee. That day she did a membrane sweep. She said I was already dilated. Pam sent me with a list of natural herbs to
take and smiled when I said goodbye. As
we hugged in the doorway of her home she said “Maybe I will see you before the
weekend is over!” I was excited.
At Mustard Seed Market I picked up a bottle of blue, and a
bottle of black cohosh, evening primrose oil, castor oil and some diaphragms. My mother met me at the house and I began the
regimen of the cohoshes. They were awful
and burned all the way down.
Contractions would start and I would take them alternately every half an
hour for 3 hours. When I would stop, the
contractions would subside. This went on
all weekend. I woke up a very unhappy
pregnant woman that Monday. We began to
have lots of sex, as a means to get this baby out! It is not easy, and very unromantic to have
sex when you are that pregnant.
Another week went by and we did another sweep. I was further dilated, but still no sign of
labor. Pam sent me on my way with
directions to use the evening primrose oil.
I will not attempt to explain how one goes about using them-go ahead and
Google it if you are curious, but poor T.
He had some unpleasant work cut out for him. This combination of cohoshes and evening
primrose oil went on for weeks. We
walked around the block most nights. I
was slow and could only walk a few steps at a time. T walked right alongside me, in the cold,
after a long day’s work. He was very supportive. We talked of the various risks, and consequences of the decision to birth Nick at home.
Christmas came and went.
As did New Years. At the
beginning of January I took the castor oil.
It was everything everyone said it would be. It was hellfire coming from my back-end. For 16 hours.
I would sit on the toilet and sob, it hurt so badly. Thank god my girlfriend Ana had made me some
butt balm for the kids. I did what any
mom worth her salt does-I stole it!
At my January 12th appointment, Pam said she was
concerned that labor was not starting. I
had been 6+cm dilated for weeks. We had
tried numerous induction methods, and it just wasn’t happening. We agreed it would be advisable for me to see
Dr. Guerrieri and get his opinion. Pam
was hesitant about the idea of a homebirth after the following Thursday,
January 19. She knew this baby was over
10 lbs. already, and the longer he stayed put, the bigger he got. We talked about shoulder dystocia, and the
risks associated with having a baby of this size. She advised me that no responsible hospital
would allow me to be induced with a baby of that size. If I transferred care to a hospital I was
guaranteed a C-section. I went home a
cried. I was so scared. All my hopes for this second homebirth were
falling apart right in front of me. How
was I going to deal with giving birth to one child at home, and having the
other one cut out of me? Strapped to a
table, unable to see. The bright
florescent lights of the hospital and some stranger’s hands greeting my
child. I begged Thorsten to not let me
go alone. He apologized and said he didn’t
think he could watch someone cut me open.
My mother would have to go. I
called and made an appointment to see Dr. Guerrieri January 17th.
That weekend was an emotional one. I did a lot of crying. By myself.
I did not want T to get upset or mad at me for being a weepy mess. I would lay in bed at night a cry
silently. I finally resolved that I
could do nothing about the situation, and I left it in the hands of fate. I would get through it somehow, and if I
needed to have a C-section, then that’s just what would have to happen.
Sunday evening my parents came over for a visit. Our friend Dave Toth stopped by to see how I
was feeling. I was in the recliner
trying to be comfortable. He laughed and
said I looked miserable. I was. Shortly after Dave left I started feeling
anxious. Contractions had been happening
for over a month now, and I think that is why I was so reluctant to believe it
was time. Besides-there was no snow
storm. I had been envisioning a snow
storm for this birth and damnit! I
wanted one.
My mother urged me to get into the bathtub and see if the
warm water would help bring on labor. As
I got into the tub the real contractions started. I was moaning and rocking through each
one. I would go between getting out of
the tub and stomping my feet and hollering to back into the tub on all fours. I still wasn’t convinced. I would not let anyone call Pam yet, but I
made Thorsten take Kailey to my friend Leah’s house-as she was getting upset
and I was unable to concentrate.
Thorsten went outside and called my friend Meagan. She was to be my doula. When she came into my bathroom a short while
later, she sat next to me and said some beautiful encouragements. I don’t remember exactly what she said, maybe
“Don’t be mad at Thorsten, he thought I should come” and “You are doing great.” I laughed and said “Doing what?! I don’t think I am really in labor.” Apparently everyone else in my house knew I
was in labor, but I kept denying it.
Thorsten made me call Pam. I didn’t
want to bother her. I was sure this wasn’t
really labor. My water hadn’t even
broken. Contractions were still only 4
minutes apart.
When Pam walked into my bedroom I was rocking back and forth
and moaning. She got to work unpacking
her supplies. I told her I probably wasn’t
in labor. This would pass. She knew better but told me she would rather
be safe than sorry. The bed was made up
with plastic under the old sheets. Giant
cloth pads were placed on the floor next to the bed, and on the bed. At some point the backup midwife came. Pam was concerned about the size of the baby
and had asked weeks in advance if I would be okay if another midwife would be
there to assist.
When contractions would hit I would scream and bear
down. I was resting on all fours, and
when they would hit I would rock back onto my heels. When they would subside I would raise my fist
into the air and say a silent prayer “Dear god, take this from me. Help this be over fast.” I kept telling myself out loud that “We can
do this.” (Nick and I), because I remember Meagan telling me that is what she
said during her labor.
My mother was at my feet rubbing my legs. Meagan was at my head, rubbing my back and
applying cool cloths to my sweaty forehead.
The two midwives were at the base of the bed-whispering to each other
and taking notes. I don’t know where
Thorsten and my dad were.
At some point Pam wanted to check my cervix and see how dilated
I was. I had been complaining that I had
to pee but couldn’t. She knew my bag of
waters was bulging and wanted to see if it would break. I remember whining “No, I don’t want you to
check-you’re just going to lie to me anyways!”
Her and everyone else laughed and tried to reason with me to just let
her check. I bargained with them and
asked if I could wait a few more contractions then I would let her check, as I
did not want to move. As soon as she put
her gloved fingers in to check, my bag burst all over her and the bed. Everyone laughed and she told me I could go
pee in the bathroom then. I exclaimed “I
am.” Matter of factly. I didn’t care at that point.
I went to labor on the toilet, and Pam came in with the Doppler
to listen to Nick’s heartbeat. I was on
the toilet bearing down and Pam sat on the edge of the tub with the Doppler
pressed to my lower belly. I yelled “He
isn’t coming!” With an air of
desperation. Just as the words left my
mouth I could feel him drop into my lower pelvis. I scream “He’s coming!”
Pam helped me quickly crab walk to the bed. I laid down on my side and braced my one foot
against the headboard. Both midwives got
to work and as he was crowning they were dependent on Meagan and my mom to hand
them supplies. They used olive oil and
poured it all over my perineum and his crowning head. There is a mirror on my ceiling and I am so
grateful to have been able to see the whole thing. As his head came out they told me to stop
pushing. I did exactly as I was told-as
I knew how important this next step was.
We had a very short window to get him out. As anyone who has given birth, you know how
impossible it is to stop pushing, and how bad the crowning hurts. I did it though. Both midwives got his shoulders to release
from my pelvic bone. They rotated him
out. When he came out his head and hands
and feet were blue. They swept his mouth
and handed him to me. I immediately put
him to my breast as I know the nipple stimulation helped to contract the
uterus. He latched very well and I was
so proud. Thorsten cut the cord and we
laid in bed next to him. My mother came
and sat by my head. After Nick was
checked and weighed by Pam, he was handed off to be diapered, and I was helped
to the bathroom and into the shower.
Less than a half an hour after Nick was born we were back into bed and snuggling
each other. Meagan and Pam cleaned up my
room and Pam started a load of laundry.
Nickolas John-Fredric Greulich was born at 12:15 am on Sunday, January 15, 2012. He weighed 10lbs 13 oz. Labor lasted 3 and a half hours.
It is such a source of pride for me to have birthed both of
my children at home, and to have traveled this journey for the last 6 months of
tandem nursing. Although it is coming
to an end, I will be able to look back on this time and know that I was strong
enough, and determined enough to do what I set out to do. I am a momma, hear me roar! ; )
